Chair on couch... aka Uninvited.

I am incredibly jealous of women who can exist in society without feeling the pressures of external sources to be, not just look, something more like "perfect."

I've never stood naked in front of a man. I've only showered with one man... And that was because he was nearly blind without his glasses. I hide parts of myself all the time because I fear what would be thought or said if the whole me was put out on display. And I am talking purely physical here. I have no problems baring my heart or mind. 

We are so careless with our words. So self-centered with our desires and needs that we rarely stop to fully take in how much of an impact we have on those around us. 

It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized I never cut my hair, not because of the way I liked it, but because I had been conditioned to think that I would lose some level of attractiveness if I went short. My hair became my shield, if you will. And occasionally, without thinking, if the world becomes too heavy... It grows a foot or so before I realize the damage I'm putting on myself. 

I'm a walking wound, I suppose. 

I've spent a couple days digging through buried "treasures" and memories and I suppose some are refusing to stay buried.  I've been haunted by some from my not so distant past and I get caught up in the decisions and the why's. Never the what-ifs... I don't let myself get that far... 

But it is really hard to sleep at night with visions of yesterday still in your head.