The Directions We Give...

    I have no grand delusion of being the World's Best Mother, but sometimes, I have little moments where I feel I am doing the right thing. I do wish I had the proverbial lantern to guide me on this journey, though. But I'm afraid my lantern has burned out.

    I have tried to get in contact with my mother, either of them really, for the better part of a two months now. But, alas, busy schedules and missed connections just leave me at the same destination...voice mail. I'm not even going to pretend to not want my mommy right now. I moved to the big city years ago, for reasons no one in my family will truly understand, and sometimes I'm afraid they took the move personally, as I have not had a relationship with any of them since I moved. 5 and a half years ago.

    I was terrified of becoming a mother. Terrified. I don't have a strong relationship with the woman who raised me anymore, my step-mom, and the cuts run too deep with my mother. There are days, not unlike today, where I realize how *huge* the undertaking of being a parent is and 1200 miles away.... I feel incredibly alone in this.

    I love my daughter more than words will express and emotions show. It's an overpowering experience...being a mother. Some days though, I really just need that extra hand and to hear that I am the World's Best Mother.

    No comments:


    Related Posts with Thumbnails