Like brail written on my skin... you're but a piece of me now.
Have I ever told you about my dear Calvin? We met while I was in 7th grade. He was in 9th. The first time I saw him, we were at the bus stop. Early fall morning. He was sitting alone against the brick wall of the elementary school with a binder in his lap... faded jeans and a well loved hoodie.
I was a completely different person then… quiet and awkward, afraid of my own shadow. So, the thought of actually talking to him never crossed my mind. Have you ever met someone and just knew there was something great about them, something unspoken that you just had to be a part of? That was Calvin. His eyes gave him away...
By the end of the school year, we had started talking... mainly; I just made stupid remarks about his hair or his sweater... anything to get him to notice me. I can't really recall what the conversations were about and I never really knew a lot about him. He carried comic books and magic cards and his eyes held a mischievous innocence that mesmerized me. Those were the only truths I knew about him.
His grandparents lived a block from the bus stop and on my way home, so he would humor me and let me walk with him. Occasionally, he would even let me sit with him on the bus. And to repay him and show him how much I adored him, I filled condoms with water, froze them and threw them at him. That was the last day of school... and the last time I saw him. Yeah... I've always been a little awkward around the boys. Sigh...
A couple summers ago, I was digging around MySpace, looking up the friends of my childhood and since he was one of those that I was never able to wash from my mind, I unearthed him. We know each other better now than ever before... I know he crosses my mind a lot. There are just certain people in your life that come in, get under your skin and crawl there for an eternity. He's coming to visit me in a month. This will be the first time I have seen him in 15 years and if I don't cry when I see him it will be a miracle.
I wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you there is a part of me that's worried that the ease and comfort we've grown accustomed to will not exist in person. Two years we've weaved our way through the internets getting to know one another... Calvin's one of my best friends. Someone I'm comfortable telling anything to and someone I wish I could spend more time with. But the idea of having him close enough to touch is kind of scaring the shit out of me...
But it’s ok. I'm not mad at the feeling.