Playing cards.

    So, I was sitting at lunch the other day with my new co-workers listening to them discuss the various annoyances in their lives and I found myself slightly dumbfounded and speechless, a feeling that I haven't experienced as of recent. Now, keep in mind these women are in the early 40's at the youngest, and are your typical working women--super nice, but feeling like they had drawn the short straw in life. Going around the table each added their complaints to the growing pile in the center. It was like a hormonal poker game... "oh yeah, well I will see your lazy husband and raise you my drunk one." I sat back eating my sandwich and learned more in 30 minutes then I did my last semester of school. Selfish children, neglectful husbands, grandchildren at home, physical insecurities, heh... emotional ones, too. 3 years ago, hell.. one year ago, I would have played this hand... but as I looked down at my metaphorical cards, I realized I had nothing to play, I had a bad hand, if you will.

    I have no complaints of a stinky, overweight partner. I come home to someone who helps around the house.. with very little prodding! Someone who loves me and my little girl [whether or not he admits the later.. ;)] ... unconditionally. Someone who still after 2 years gives me butterflies and the very sight or smell of him makes me smile, not just any smile.. like a weird inner-peace-this-is-sooo-right smile. Someone who respects me, what we have and welcomes the idea of building a future. I thought I too had drawn the short straw. Life has kicked me some hard plays. But reality showed up and smacked me upside the head. This is what I have been working towards--what I have been looking for. And, suddenly, I felt very foolish. Very selfish and completely undeserving. By no means are either of us perfect, but he is perfect for me. And it took a short glimpse into the future of a path I recently traveled, to show me how misguided I have been in my expectations.

    You know what... I take that back. I didn't have a bad hand... I have the best one.

    1 comment:

    Jenn said...

    Good for you Nikki. I'm glad to see that you and Mr. Lucas are happy. I always comment to Bri when we are around you how much differen Josh is from when he worked here. I know the work environment has something to do with it, but there's a whole new him walking around now. I think you're great together.


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