Do Unto Others...

    My head is a blur of emotions and confusion right now. Someday maybe everything will come to the surface and I can accurately explain where I am coming from. I've got some stories to share and maybe you can see the reason for the flip-flopping that has taken place in my head over the last few months.

    Tonight, though, I plan on blathering on about two movies I just watched. Wristcutters and Smart People. Very different movies with one major thing in common,...beyond the obvious love story. Both were about absorbing your surroundings and appreciating the finer things, whether its a family member, life or a lover. Wristcutters is a love story that takes place in the afterlife. It takes dying to find his true love and beauty in even the ugliest of places. Smart People was more of a typical love story... bitter widower meets attractive nurse... mends relationships with family and coworkers to find happiness and renewed sense of life.

    Truth be told, I am not a huge fan of watching movies by myself, yet with scheduling and priority conflicts, I ended up watching both alone. I like to have someone to discuss the movie with... plot dissection, character development, directors ability... whatever comes to mind. Its a bonding experience, really. Just like all those mixed tapes I pass around. The songs are all personal and chosen just for you.

    You might not know it yet, but I can talk... and talk whatever it is to death. You don't find many people interested and capable of carrying on such conversations. I had such a friend once, and I will miss him always. Someday, I will tell you of him and my journey to bring him back into my life... it's going to take some work, but I can say with certainty that he is the one person I don't want to live with out. He was and will always be my best friend... Lets call him Sivar. He'll know who he is. Ok, so I digress. Stop gasping in mock horror...

    My biggest conflict with someone close to me now is having the desire to talk about something... anything of substance. I know it can be done... just doesn't seem to happen with me... anymore. I blame lack of trust, but deep down, I am afraid it is more than that. Desire, maybe. It hurts, I'm not going to lie.

    I am a seeker and I expect the same of my friends. I shouldn't have to come to you and pull everything out of you. And vice versa. I guarantee I leave little contained. My favorite character in Smart People was Chuck Wetherhold, the adopted "loser" brother of the main character. At one point he was talking to his brother and explained that Lawrence, the brother, was so wrapped up in himself that he wasn't paying attention to anyone else around him and how he was affecting them. Lawrence became defensive and responded, no one told me they were upset. Chuck's response, why didn't you ask? Why must everyone come to you? Simple, I know... but its that message that I wish I could wrap up in a box with a note saying, This was written just for you.

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