She's got a lot of issues... like a good magazine.

I woke up in an itty bitty funk this morning. Can we blame the rain? Lets blame the rain.

I go throughout my days just fine. I play with my daughter, laugh and joke with my friends, stalk people on the internet, watch my horoscopes and drink too much coffee. All is as it always is, but when I sit still and those fleeting moments when I'm not focusing on too many things find me, I realize my chest is tight, my breathing is shallow and I want to curl into a ball and hide under my covers until this passes. I have but one question... how long does this fucking last? I know that moving on is what is genuinely best for me and my sanity, but I don't seem to have enough sweaters to take this chill away.

This picture really has nothing to do with anything, but I still love it. It's the timing of it that attracts me most. That... and I look ridiculously thin. {giggles} This was taken December 2008. Peace time. Rediscovering me time. Coincidently, Carl time, too. First time I remember feeling genuinely happy in years.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy now, just walking a little slower up the hill than I was all those months ago. I know I am investing in certain activities as a distraction, because it shifts my focus. That's normal though, right? Patience is not a virtue I possess and I really, really want this feeling to evaporate.

Now, please.