Sigh. I wonder if I will ever reach the point in life where I can just sit and wait... without casting that first stone. Without my preemptive self-defenses. Without so many hesitations... and just enjoy the journey and the discoveries.
I'm like that overgrown child, anxiously sitting in front of the Christmas tree, days before presents are due to be opened, assessing the situation, shaking and trying to unravel the mystery of what's inside. In fact once, I took an exacto knife to a friends gift because I needed to see what I'd gotten in order to decided what to give them. It sounds far more damaging that it really is... it was a delicate situation and I sought help under that tree.
Now that I'm an "adult", I find myself doing the same thing with men. Within 5 minutes of conversation, I determine their respective place in my social world... present or not. 5 minutes? Most men haven't stopped staring at your chest by then, let alone really begin to unravel themselves.
Great... now I have guilt.