I know its sunny, but the umbrella brings me comfort, she whispered.

I don't know what to put here anymore. And that worries me. So many things happen daily and I feel myself changing. I see our lives changing... but I can't put it in words yet. When we were younger and we would sit on the carousels and watch the world just beyond... everything tinged by a blur, distorted by wandering colors. That's the best I can do to describe this home my thoughts seem to have found.

I'm fully aware of what's going on here. I've made the lists. I've run the miles and have a chair waiting at the end of each road. I'm ready for whatever, I guess. My mood swings further and more rapidly. Sometimes only finding solace among my dreams.

Changing my daughter.

Losing our togetherness.

Being too broken.

Silencing passions.

Breeding insecurities.

Reviving shame.

It’s fear. I know its presence well.