I have a confession to make.

    I am a bit of a control freak. I like things a certain way. Everything has a process. Each time I complete a task, I reasses the steps I took and how I can be more efficient in the future. Getting gas? 1. Place debit card in the machine. 2. unscrew the cap for the gas tank. 3. Choose Debit on the machine. 4. Insert pump and lift auto-fill trigger. 5. Choose grade. The result? Never having to stand and wait for the stupid machine or the pump. I am constantly occupied with something. Some task is keeping me busy. I used this example to not only illustrate my thought process, but to highlight the absolute minute details that have my brain consumed recently. I feel like I was placed on "Auto-pilot" and left to my day until it is time to be re-oiled or I rust and need to be taken to the repair shop.

    Week 1 of Back to School has been conquered. Addi moved into… pre-school, again. She is 15 days too young to start Kindergarten. And while I was fighting it earlier this year, watching her race to the bus with Kylie this morning and seeing the sad look on her face when she wasn’t allowed to get on… freaked me out. I know its mean, but at that moment, I was so thankful that she is still just my little baby girl. She openly accepts and yearns for the days of more responsibility, freedom and … eventually, leaving home. I know she doesn’t look at it like that, and I can’t believe that at the tender age of 5 she understands or even thinks about leaving her mother’s side. How could she? She’s known nothing else. But that’s how I think…

    One more day gone. I find myself thinking too often at the end of a weekend or the end of a long day together about all the things I should have said to her or would have loved to have done. Do you ever find yourself thinking the same?

    Seize the moment. Seize the moment. Seize the moment. I have to keep chanting that to myself. Somewhere between 4 different schedules, 2 businesses, a full time job, 3 children, the laundry, the meal planning, the budget wars, the shuffling of papers and the Band-Aids… oh so many Band-Aids, I forgot. I forgot what was important. I forgot why we were all here together.

    There are more important things in life than having the cleanest home, or the tidiest closet, or making your bed every day. Why must everything be so controlled? I miss the days of oatmeal fights and dancing in our underwear.

    I’ve thrown all my wire hangers away. Let’s try this again…  

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