I've felt the need to purge lately, emotionally and physically. Attractive on multiple levels, I know. I've come to the proverbial fork in the road.... which way do I go? I've just been doing u-turns for over a year… feels more like I came to a spoon in the road. That flutter you get in your stomach after roller-coaster rides... I have that... and I haven't been to the amusement park lately. How do you make it go away?
I fell prey to a lot of different emotions this weekend... regret, independence, insecurity, appreciation, anger... you get the idea. I've also been eating a lot of beef jerky and listening to Slipknot.
The Candy Man actually turned out to be a giant cavity inducer. Man Hands has taken my subtle, silent hints and appears to have actually lost my number just as I requested. Small miracles do happen. Barstow pops in from time to time... not really sure how to comment there. I don't think it's really necessary, to be honest.
I've had a couple of long conversations with Carl and what have I concluded about that? That was the last time I was happy, genuinely happy, in years. I'm happy to have gotten some of that back. Lots of happiness there...
I've talked to Naxx, nearly every day for the last 2 months. He's shined a bright light in many of the dark corners of my world and leaves me intrigued and inspired with each conversation. But that’s not the only thing he’s given me. He’s given me a sense of renewed hope… something I thought I’d completely lost.
I've been spending less time with Flannigan. It’s bittersweet, really. Time apart makes things easier and time together makes it harder. I’ve been searching for those defining moments and they are still eluding me. It's mostly confusing and upsetting, and often beautiful and … heart wrenching.
I've been talking to Calvin a lot more over the last month as well. Those conversations, oddly enough, leave me feeling nostalgic. His humor has brightened some gloomy mornings. He's the man of perfect timing.
And last, but far from least, Marty. So much humor and abstract wisdom in such a young man. His random bits of insight from afar are enlightening and make the bullshit easier to wade through.
Where does all of this leave me? What have I learned? And where in the world am I going? I’ve no idea…but I’m closing a chapter in a book I’ve struggled reading for a really long time now. I am blessed to have so many great friends and people watching out for me… and reminding me of one of my favorite lines….
“It’s never too late; you still have chances in your life. You’ll get up once again. You’ll laugh again. You’ll live again. And you’ll love again..."
I fell prey to a lot of different emotions this weekend... regret, independence, insecurity, appreciation, anger... you get the idea. I've also been eating a lot of beef jerky and listening to Slipknot.
The Candy Man actually turned out to be a giant cavity inducer. Man Hands has taken my subtle, silent hints and appears to have actually lost my number just as I requested. Small miracles do happen. Barstow pops in from time to time... not really sure how to comment there. I don't think it's really necessary, to be honest.
I've had a couple of long conversations with Carl and what have I concluded about that? That was the last time I was happy, genuinely happy, in years. I'm happy to have gotten some of that back. Lots of happiness there...
I've talked to Naxx, nearly every day for the last 2 months. He's shined a bright light in many of the dark corners of my world and leaves me intrigued and inspired with each conversation. But that’s not the only thing he’s given me. He’s given me a sense of renewed hope… something I thought I’d completely lost.
I've been spending less time with Flannigan. It’s bittersweet, really. Time apart makes things easier and time together makes it harder. I’ve been searching for those defining moments and they are still eluding me. It's mostly confusing and upsetting, and often beautiful and … heart wrenching.
I've been talking to Calvin a lot more over the last month as well. Those conversations, oddly enough, leave me feeling nostalgic. His humor has brightened some gloomy mornings. He's the man of perfect timing.
And last, but far from least, Marty. So much humor and abstract wisdom in such a young man. His random bits of insight from afar are enlightening and make the bullshit easier to wade through.
Where does all of this leave me? What have I learned? And where in the world am I going? I’ve no idea…but I’m closing a chapter in a book I’ve struggled reading for a really long time now. I am blessed to have so many great friends and people watching out for me… and reminding me of one of my favorite lines….
“It’s never too late; you still have chances in your life. You’ll get up once again. You’ll laugh again. You’ll live again. And you’ll love again..."
No comments:
Post a Comment