The Gentleman recently suggested I like holding onto old skeletons. It knocked something loose and I can’t stop thinking about these circles I seem to keep moving in between. I’ve never done much of a background on any of the names I keep dropping, so I’m taking the opportunity to not only give you the 411 on the men who’ve been keeping my senses engaged this past year, but to hopefully clarify the role each plays and why they are so important in my life.
The Candy Man: Part 1
I’m starting with the Candy Man because he just came back from a short hiatus. We met up Friday for an impromptu catch-up. I really didn’t expect to ever hear from him again, let alone see him again. Our meet up consisted of dinner at a diner by his house and a scary movie. At dinner we talked about the various things we’ve done over the last few months; people we’ve met and dated. He seems to be nursing a minor wound from the last one.
He asked me via text a couple weeks ago if I found him to be needy and controlling. Needy? No, I replied laughing. The polar opposite… at least with me. I felt like I had to force him to see me sometimes… or that I was getting in the way, at the very least. Not a good feeling. He is one of the most ambiguous men I’ve ever met. He is also an incredibly social person and given the position I was in last summer, I couldn’t understand where he was coming from. I answered him honestly during that phone conversation and told him I found him to be evasive, aloof and emotionally unavailable. He took it with the best of spirits and we continued our phone conversation.
Turnabout’s fair play and I love constructive criticism. Twice I’ve been left wondering what the hell was going on and where he’d run off to. Okay, once... was my certainly my fault. I’ll step up to the plate for that one. Creating a fake person to spy on someone is not the best way to encourage a budding “relationship.” He said he didn’t have enough time during the phone call to explain it. We said our goodbyes and I hung up shaking my head.
I sat on the question because I wanted to see his response. I can read people better than I can do just about anything. I spent my childhood from the sidelines perfecting this. He squirmed in his seat and played with his food while trying to answer. I couldn’t help but smile and miss him a little more watching this. You see, I will admit we were awkward the second time. Queen of Bad Timing stumbled upon the King. I was dealing with Carl, Flannigan and Naxx when he popped back up.
To this day I don’t know that I could pick one over the other. Each holds a different key and has traits and ideals that are highly attractive to me.
Carl held my complete trust. Never have I been as confident and comfortable around another man. He was also one of my best friends, was amazing with my daughter and treated me like heaven. He was also the most emotionally stable man I have ever been with.
Flannigan held the key to my family unit. He was amazing with my daughter, intelligent, motivated, eloquent, and emotionally intense. I hope he will always be one of my best friends.
Naxx is the only man I have met that was completely 100% honest with me. He had an amazing ability to analyze, evaluate and express his needs and desires… about anything. He was also sexually explorative and elaborative and I loved the challenge.
Candy Man is certainly the only man alive who completely understands my sense of humor. He’s incredibly motivated and industrious. He has a huge heart that so many miss given his sense of humor and his barriers. I would go so far as to say he is the male version of me… and seeing him after this most recent break, I am able to understand where he’s coming a lot better.
Most of that was unnecessary, but the point is he makes me nervous. In both and good bad ways. His answer to my question “what was so wrong with me” was “nothing”. He went on to explain that he tends to choose the women he feels need to be fixed and that he knows will fail and that wasn’t how he saw me. He also said he wasn’t sure what I had wanted out of the last time, but he got the impression I wanted more and he implied that scared him. I couldn’t give him an answer, because I couldn’t tell you now what I wanted then.
My first instinct was to call bullshit. But let’s pretend that is the honest truth… then I was right and he is emotionally unavailable… which means I am most likely setting myself up for failure again? Which, perfectly explains why I am so attracted to this man. Let’s say he is full of it and was just too sensitive to be honest with me. Well, why’s he back again?