Five days of September left. {sigh} We've not been getting along. I feel like it tricked me... saw I was down and took a cheap shot. It used to be my favorite month… the month of birth, rebirth and mad passionate love. Next year, I’m taking Monkey on a secret vacation and we’re putting September in a time out. "We would sing and dance around because we know we can't be found..."
September started off with an incredibly handsome stranger. It was a whirlwind week. Men don’t typically knock the wind out of me, at least not from the first handshake. It was a nice change. I heard through the grapevine he went back to his ex… guess that explains why I never heard from him again. Kudos to them, though. When you find someone you love, hold on with both hands and fight… kicking and screaming for them if you have to. It doesn’t happen every day. Honestly, I’m not even upset with him. I genuinely hope things work out. How silly is that?
My baby is growing up. This month that fact was a little harder to accept and made more obvious. Addi turned three this month. She’s taller than anyone else in the 3-4 year old room, she wears size 6 pants, weighs 47 pounds and as she told me this morning, can cook breakfast and drive me to school if I want her to. She took 4 four stitches to the head on her birthday. Internally, I freaked. Freaked. I still get teary eyed about it even now. I need to get a hold of myself some times.
This month would have been our 3 year anniversary. My camera broke...that feels like someone took a limb of mine. After a little week of flirtatious banter with an old flame, I watched said flame make-out with another woman. I’ve been blown off 6 times this month, 4 times by the same man. One day I’ll just walk away, I fear. And this… this is actually what has been consuming my mind lately. I’ve benched myself while working out a tough decision. This bench is getting cold and still, I cannot figure out what to do.
My maternal instincts are kicking in and I don’t want to see her heartbroken. But I also don’t think I can deal with mine being broken again either. So, if I stay, whose best interest am I serving? If I go… same question.
{Rubs hands together} Bring on October!
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