Moody Fingers...: butterflies

Showing posts with label butterflies. Show all posts

The city settled down... the moon has won the war.

I knew 2012 would be better than 2011. It just had to be. There wasn't much further one could fall. Here we are mid October and I've butterflies in my stomach, for so many different reasons. In 2 weeks time my life will look completely different and I'm eagerly anticipating that change. It's a healthier state of mind, a happier heart and an honest way of being.

I'm ready... feet planted and I'm bracing for any storms... but I know now, that there isn't anything I can't get through.

... And this song found me this morning. My roots are calling me, I guess. I've spent more time with the country folk these past 2 months than I have in a good 2 years. It's my happy place... my comfort zone. I am a country girl at heart. You can blame it on all that Idaho I did in my younger years, I 'spose. ;)

Lady Antebellum - When You Got A Good Thing

Obscure Sentiments

The Shape Falls At Your Feet

[via I Wrote This For You]

Maybe it's because you're one of those people that believes that sometimes,
the most reckless thing you can do with your heart, is not being reckless with it.

"The only people for me are the mad ones. The ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time. The ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center-light pop and everybody goes 'Aww!'" - Jack Kerouac

Speechless.

Urban Garden Project

The Books - Cello Song

Like brail written on my skin... you're but a piece of me now.

Have I ever told you about my dear Calvin? We met while I was in 7th grade. He was in 9th. The first time I saw him, we were at the bus stop. Early fall morning. He was sitting alone against the brick wall of the elementary school with a binder in his lap... faded jeans and a well loved hoodie.

I was a completely different person then… quiet and awkward, afraid of my own shadow. So, the thought of actually talking to him never crossed my mind. Have you ever met someone and just knew there was something great about them, something unspoken that you just had to be a part of? That was Calvin. His eyes gave him away...

By the end of the school year, we had started talking... mainly; I just made stupid remarks about his hair or his sweater... anything to get him to notice me. I can't really recall what the conversations were about and I never really knew a lot about him. He carried comic books and magic cards and his eyes held a mischievous innocence that mesmerized me. Those were the only truths I knew about him.

His grandparents lived a block from the bus stop and on my way home, so he would humor me and let me walk with him. Occasionally, he would even let me sit with him on the bus. And to repay him and show him how much I adored him, I filled condoms with water, froze them and threw them at him. That was the last day of school... and the last time I saw him. Yeah... I've always been a little awkward around the boys. Sigh...

A couple summers ago, I was digging around MySpace, looking up the friends of my childhood and since he was one of those that I was never able to wash from my mind, I unearthed him. We know each other better now than ever before... I know he crosses my mind a lot. There are just certain people in your life that come in, get under your skin and crawl there for an eternity. He's coming to visit me in a month. This will be the first time I have seen him in 15 years and if I don't cry when I see him it will be a miracle.

I wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you there is a part of me that's worried that the ease and comfort we've grown accustomed to will not exist in person. Two years we've weaved our way through the internets getting to know one another... Calvin's one of my best friends. Someone I'm comfortable telling anything to and someone I wish I could spend more time with. But the idea of having him close enough to touch is kind of scaring the shit out of me...

But it’s ok. I'm not mad at the feeling.

{Skips away}

The taste of home is filling up my mouth

I'm at a loss for words it seems today. Cherish this moment... they are few and far between.

So, in keeping with last week's theme, here's more randomness from the gallery of my internet dwelling.

Too early to start humiliating my daughter with homemade goodness?

Holy awesome batman is right! Best engagement pictures ever.

Best grammar lesson. Period. Or is that semi-colon? {slaps knee}

Best advice of the week:

"The Sizzler is a great restaurant to take your friends that were born without tongues." Rob Huebel.

Favorite Friday night (and Saturday morning) of 2010:

Listening to infectious melodies in the presence of an enchanting soul...

New Indulgence Playlist

...and a couple so awesome, I had to share them... now.

The Snake The Cross The Crown: Maps

"...and there I sat silently watching as he poured himself emotionally into the lyrics of a world so similar to his own. I unexpectedly found myself bathed in his honesty and vulnerability... feeling completely undeserving of that honor." - Random Musings

Emptyself - Doll Faced Vulture

That is all... for now.

No dawn. No day. I'm always in this twilight.

Something about Florence Welch overthrows me. I think it’s the raw honesty in her voice. The acoustic versions of her performances are amazingly simple, yet her voice lends a certain sense of poignancy to the song that was previously unclaimed.

Right now I simply cannot get enough of Cosmic Love. The initial musical buildup at 1 minute 20 seconds is awesome… you get the first glimpse at the emotional intensity she’s trying to convey. But humor me for a moment, turn your speakers high and close your eyes. Tell me the emotion at 2 minutes 34 seconds doesn’t just surge through you. It’s like a wave of butterflies right through my stomach. I hope this song never loses its nerve…

Florence + The Machine: Cosmic Love

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

Now's the chance to sing the things you could never say.

For some reason, I find I am spending more time frustrated than not... and I shouldn't. Now is the season of butterflies. Every time I try to figure out what it is, I come back to the same destination... I think it's Flannigan. I know that means nothing to you. That's the point. Flannigan embodies everything I thought I wanted. Sometimes, I still wonder. Am I working towards that same goal now? I don't know. I thought I was... in a different way, but the grass is always greener on the other side... that's what they say, right?

I will admit I am to some extent, high maintenance. Yes, I dare to put that in writing... I am sure it will haunt me later. The point is, somewhere, Flannigan changed. I did not. I still want the same things... and I deserve the best of those. We all do. Is it that the desire and motivation is gone or can I just not see it? I do need to get my eyes checked... maybe I've just lost focus.

Moody Fingers...

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