I can't explain myself sir, because I'm not myself you see.

    *This is the post I had intended to publish yesterday, instead the radio show rant took over and before I knew it there was tirade of thoughts pouring through my fingertips.

    So… here we go.

    There are powers in this necklace, Ms Single Mamma. I swear it.

    Monday morning, I walked into my office and ta da! There was my new necklace. I rambled on about it a few weeks ago, but I didn't think I would get it until after my New Orleans trip in a week. I take it off only to sleep, and that's strictly based on 2 reasons:

    1. Now that I have a bed all to myself, I travel in my sleep and can sometimes end up horizontal or upside down.

    2. Addi wanders into my room at 2am every morning, and I awake 4 hours later with a foot in my face, regardless of the position I am sleeping in.

    So, I thought it best to only wear it during the day. But it's mere presence has inspired me in many different areas. I'm on a mission... haven't written my official statement yet, but part of it will include this line from something Morgan over at ModernSingleMomma wrote; "I'm learning how to respond, not react."

    I've spent my entire life in survivor mode. I'm always waiting for the next hurdle, the next gotcha... the next time I have to start over. That makes it really hard to trust anyone... myself included and believe it or not, has a surprisingly simple way of sabotaging a relationship before it even starts. So, this summer, I'm on a mission. I've been doing a lot of research these last few days... for a couple of different things; business ventures, hobbies... I'm on the prowl. {wink wink}

    One summer undertaking I can share right now... I want to start volunteering again. Before I moved to Chicago, I was incredibly active in my community back in Idaho. CASA, AmeriCorps, Teen Parent Center, Juvenile Detention Center, Foster Parent Groups... loved it. CASA (Court Appointed Social Advocates) spoke to a huge part of my heart and the center of my soul. I met my CASA worker when I was 15. She was an angel and literally held my hand through the end of a rough childhood. I would love to work with CASA again or work directly with a Battered Women's shelter.

    Wherever and whatever I end up doing, I would love to have the opportunity to get Addi involved in "giving back" too. I pray everyday that she will never go through any of that and never experience the pain first hand, but I don't want her to be insensitive to it either. Since all my family is back west, I thought about getting her involved with a Senior Citizen home. There is a group near my home always looking for kids to come visit.

    What do you think? Too soon? Maybe you have other suggestions on places to look or other organizations I might be able to get involved with her as well.

    I'm still sticking with my other two remaining goals: I want to run at least a 5k this year. And I want to paint something larger than my toenails again.
    I've stopped lurking so much and have been more interactive with this amazing group of single mom's I discovered about a year ago. They've been inspiring and a constant source of strength... so here's to one busy, productive and enlightening summer!

    Thanks for kicking my butt into gear, MsSingleMamma, ModernSingleMomma, Jen K, Miss Ive, Miss Criss, all the girls over at Looking Glass Lane and as always the little angel that sits on my shoulder, Jenn. {wink}


    Ms. Single Mama said...

    There are powers in it... I'm telling you - it's the spirit of all of us wearing it in unison.

    Just got shivers.


    MindyMom said...

    Hi, I just found you through a tweet from MsSingleMama.

    I can SO relate to this; "I've spent my entire life in survivor mode. I'm always waiting for the next hurdle, the next gotcha... the next time I have to start over. That makes it really hard to trust anyone... myself included.." - as well as the consequences you metioned.

    Sounds like you have a great start to a very positive summer though.

    Btw, my cousin in CA runs a NPO called Kids Helping Kids. Not sure what you can do from Chicago but here's the link:


    Nikki said...

    {Hugs to you both!} Isn't it such a great feeling to be part of this large network of not only single mothers, but strong, inspiring women? I love it and I'm happy to have found you all! :)

    Thanks, Mindy, for your comment, too! It so hard to acknowledge my deamons sometimes...and even harder to kick them out. Your encouraging comments help so much! And I love the NPO link that you sent! I used to work with Parents As Teachers program years ago and I miss that interaction so much! I'm definitely looking into this!

    Heidi said...

    Nikki- I know it has magic, it showed up in my mailbox at the exact Moment I needed it.

    This whole thing- the blogs, the new forum, the necklace- it all makes me feel so connected - to a group of women that know my heart, when no one in my "real life" does. What a gift.


    Nikki said...

    Heidi, what an awesome point! I, too, have realized there are so many people I lean on and turn to in my daily life that don't really understand the conflicts that arise being a single mother. The support system I have found with these groups and my online friends have definitely made me feel more sane and empowered me in a way some of my other supports could not. ;)


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